Recent reviews by chechen gerkhins

CK3 is a shallow, deeply unsatisfying map painter about a fantastical version of the Medieval world where vassals are actually not that big of a deal and kings all strive to create gigantic regional empires. The game features 500 unique mechanics with the purpose of racking up as much prestige and piety as possible. Read through 156,529,523 unique events about inconsequential courtiers making demands to your characters for the sick reward of even more prestige and faith. Stack really cool county-level bonuses and maluses, and watch your manas go up with no significant positive or negative ramifications for you or your realm. Quell peasant revolts and assist your fellow Christians in a failing Crusade against the Fatimids 5 times in a row. Create works of art with the amazing artifact mechanic, yet another mana manufactoring mechanic. Forge ephemeral alliances with a faraway king just so you can nab one province off of your neighbor.

I assume you can see where I'm going with this. The only way to play this game is to create the biggest ♥♥♥♥ you empire the world has ever seen and pump out as many kids as possible while repeating the same hunting and feast events to prop up your prestige to pass the events you want to pass. The roleplay is shallow and consists of repetitive events granting you prestige, gold or piety. If CK2 was a medieval grand strategy game disguising itself as a Sims game then CK3 is the opposite.

Not to mention the INSANE lack of flavor. Playing as the Holy Roman Emperor is mechanically identical to playing as some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Wendish count with a peasant levy of 6 trillion armed murderers, the same can be said of faraway Indian kings or Arabic sultans. I can say with complete confidence that this game is truly not ready to expand into the totality of Asia if the CORE BASE OF THE GAME which is Europe and the Middle East is already so historically inaccurate and shallow.

edit: fallen eagle is good though, play fallen eagle

shouldve just made a spreadsheet simulator instead

---{ Graphics }---
☑ Egg squeeze
☐ Beautiful
☐ Good
☐ Decent
☐ Bad
☐ Don‘t look too long at it
☐ MS-DOS

---{ Gameplay }---
☑ Egg squeeze
☐ Good
☐ It's just gameplay
☐ Mehh
☐ Watch paint dry instead
☐ Just don't

---{ Audio }---
☑ Egg squeeze
☐ Very good
☐ Good
☐ Not too bad
☐ Bad
☐ I'm now deaf

---{ Audience }---
☐ Kids
☑ E
☑ gg
☑ squeeze

---{ PC Requirements }---
☐ Check if you can run paint
☐ Potato
☐ Decent
☐ Fast
☐ Rich boi
☑ Egg squeeze

---{ Game Size }---
☐ Floppy Disk
☐ Old Fashioned
☐ Workable
☐ Big
☐ Will eat 10% of your 1TB hard drive
☐ You will want an entire hard drive to hold it
☑ Egg squeeze

---{ Difficulty }---
☐ Just press 'W'
☐ Easy
☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☐ Significant brain usage
☐ Difficult
☑ Egg Souls

---{ Grind }---
☐ Nothing to grind
☐ Only if u care about leaderboards/ranks
☐ Isn't necessary to progress
☐ Average grind level
☐ Too much grind
☑ Egg squeeze

---{ Story }---
☐ No Story
☐ Some lore
☐ Average
☐ Good
☐ Lovely
☑ Egg squeeze

---{ Game Time }---
☐ Long enough for a cup of coffee
☐ Short
☐ Average
☐ Long
☑ Egg squeeze

---{ Price }---
☐ It's free!
☑ Egg squeeze
☐ If it's on sale
☐ If u have some spare money left
☐ Not recommended
☐ You could also just burn your money

---{ Bugs }---
☑ Egg squeeze
☐ Minor bugs
☐ Can get annoying
☐ ARK: Survival Evolved
☐ The game itself is a big terrarium for bugs

---{ ? / 10 }---
☐ 1
☐ 2
☐ 3
☐ 4
☐ 5
☐ 6
☐ 7
☐ 8
☐ 9
☑ 12 eggs in a basket

WE DID IT REDDIT IT'S GOOD AGAIN

damn this game is boring lol

I am a 45 yo father, probably one of the oldest people playing this game. I am a single father to my Son, who is 14 now. My son got this game for Christmas in 2021 from his uncle, so we installed it on his computer and he started playing. By the end of the week he had 24 hours on this game. This was horrible for me, as it was already hard for me to find ways to spend time with my son, as he is always out with his friends or just watching YouTube. So i decided to make a Steam account and get this game to see if I could maybe play alongside him. I loaded into the game, picked my character and world and started playing but I was stuck on what you where supposed to do. I asked my Son for help and he hosted a game for me to join. I loved it as it was the best time I had spent with my Son since my wife had died. This game has ever since brought me and my son closer again and now we actually spend time together outside the house together as well. This game reminded me that there's fun to be had in everything, and it has brought both me and my Son many happy memories.

My brothers in Christ, this game is not as advertised. The bias I had towards it totally shrouded my judgement. I loved every single minute of it, haven't teared up at a game this much since Mother 3's ending. The gameplay, music, and art direction all come together to create an amazing game that can't really be described as a true "horror" game, the RPG parts kind of overshadow the horror segments which really come more into light while nearing the end of the game. I might replay this once I recover from it but this is something that'll stay with you for a long time.

Bought this game very early on, it was filled with bugs so I refunded it. I recently had the pleasure to see that most of the problems plaguing the game are mostly gone with the exception of a few mildly annoying bugs (and one in particular that's gamebreaking). This game really brings me back to the days of Rainbow Six Vegas. There's the same amount of customization with amazing shooting mechanics, minus the third person.

Only complaint other than the bugs, and that's really the playerbase's fault, is that most servers run Ludicrous difficulty which is nigh-impossible without adequate team communication, which is a rare sight in this game at the moment...

extremely promising game, everything i wanted in a FPS. but it's dead as ♥♥♥♥

Foreskin Guys