I was born with a lot of good friends, but i also learned a lot of bad stuff before i knew about "right and wrong". Therefore i turned away from most good friends because when i learned about "right and wrong" i knew i was a bad influence for them. 5 childhood friends also learned "bad stuff" at very young age so it was OK for me to keep them around. They were "user friends" (drugs) besides being regular friends.

But even them i lost out of sight when i finally got through to psychiatrist who still didn't want to listen to me and in stead repeated the lies of my addict mother from decades hence. Naturally, with wrong diagnosis came wrong medication that made me a miljon times more crazy then i'd ever been before. I lost interest in life, lost communicative skills, locked myself up. 10 years later, i couldn't write/speak my native tongue anymore, i could only write and speak English at the level of a child of 5 although before the wrong medication i was quite fluent in English.

On the road back to "socializing" i have to relearn social skills normally learned as a child. An adult brain is not specially suited to do so like a child brain is. But it's doable. But yeah, not taking drugs means not allowing myself in tempting situations, therefore i can't go to the pub. Alcohol is a harddrug and especially here in the Netherlands, all kinds of drugs are used everywhere. Am not planning to fall for that again. Yet without propper work i don't have much left as an environment to resocialize. Besides, Steam makes it easy to not have to leave the house so Steam is solution and problem both in one.

Although personal circumstances may be different, the sytuation is kind of the same. On Steam we're not alone, we are with 20.000.000 who suffer from life's dificulties one way or another. It's not just the Ppl on forums like "Depressed Nation". It's also the game-addicts, the forum helpers, the forum trolls. Even the many scammers and phishers suffered so much in their personal lives they don't care anymore about other Ppl's feelings & posessions. You do fit right in here at Steam.

Thanks for the reply friend .

As for your remark in the other thread "Live without friends"

Originally posted by MetalFury:

Atleast you havent met with fake friends , it is worse than the loneliness ...

Most everybody has fake friends, even the "normies" have them. Normies might have more fake friends then "we" have as "keeping up apearances" is the norm for a large number of normies. That's one strong reason behind the dificulties "we" have faced: they only want to hear "Life is good." when they ask "how are you?". They can't handle dificulties or feelings. And their inability to handle such "awkward" situations is what makes them "fake" in our eyes. They don't mean to, they just can't cope.

When in kindergarten, my mother took me to another kindergarten far outside our neighboorhood where i knew nobody. In the classroom i couldn't socialize with my classmates becouse as a "better" school they had workbooks that i was a few years behind on so i had to do the workbooks all day long to get up to speed while my classmates were playing with each other like a kid in kindergarten should. I learned to behave friendly towards anyone who happened to be on the playground for that was the only place i could socialize. Their names and faces didn't matter to me let alone their personalities. I myself was forced to be a fake friend and they were fake friends back at me.

Later in my adult life, surrounded by psychiatric patients and drug users, almost everybody i socialized with was fake friend and v.v.. When meeting on a town square, the pub, (Dutch) coffeeshop or at one of the many projects, we'ld tell each other the most intimate details of our lives even though we couldn't care less if we'ld see one another ever again. That's the only way we learned to be able to realy have conversations out of which we learn coping skills from other Ppl in similar circumstances. So don't get me wrong: me being a peculiar type of fake friend to you here helps me better understand myself and i can only hope you find support for your life in my words.